Marriage is all about maturing, forgiving, and overcoming bitterness

Marriage that stays together

Marriage is a vow made between a man and a woman before God and witnesses. Contrary to popular opinion love does not hold a marriage together. It should begin with two funerals and one wedding ceremony.

16.  For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him:

17.  And he is before all things, and by him all things consist.

The above verses in Colossians 1 do not just tell us that God created the atoms and molecules but also marriage and He is the one that holds a marriage together.

Marriage between two believers is the ideal. They will have differences and must settle them by mutual agreement. Jesus tells us that from the beginning there was no divorce. Divorce was created under the law because of the hardness of hearts.

A Hard heart is a root of bitterness against God’s standards. All bitterness is ultimately against God because He allowed the person or circumstance that hurt them.

Consider Joseph:

  1. Joseph’s dilemma started in a deep pit of despair without being able to see the light.
  2. Then Joseph is sold into slavery. During his enslavement he holds onto God’s standards only to be put into prison.
  3. In prison he is forgotten for years by one that he helped.

The question Joseph and every bitter issue in life one needs to settle is do you believe Romans 8:

28.  And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

29.  For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.

A believer must always come to the conclusion that God is in control and that His design is to shape the character of His children to be like His Son’s.

The evidence is overwhelming that Joseph learned this lesson and forgave his brothers because we read in Genesis 50:20

“But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.”

Men do not have the power to pardon sin be we do have the ability to forgive sin. Ultimately to forgive sin is to turn that person over to God not with the attitude “okay God now you get them.” Jesus forgave while hanging on the cross. Stephen forgave while being stoned to death.

The only limit God has on forgiveness is for those who do not receive the forgiveness for their sins. He calls that the unpardonable sin. Put together Matthew 18:22 and Luke 17:4 and you will find that God wants us to forgive beyond our counting ability on a daily basis.

When one walks out on a marriage or a couple agree to divorce; he, she, or they are announcing that they do not fear God. God’s response is found in Ecclesiastes 5:4

“When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for he hath no pleasure in fools: pay that which thou hast vowed.” Your vow was: “until death.”

A daughter of my parent’s best friends when I was growing up married a drug addict that abused her. After about 14 years of her commitment to her vow he converted and now their marriage has been transformed. They have been married 45+ years.

A pastor had a wife whose besetting sin was infidelity. He continued to forgive her but had to change churches often. I don’t know the end of that story on earth but I do know that God continues to forgive the infidelity of His children.

If love does not hold a marriage together what does? The fear of God holds a marriage together, which is just another way of saying the love of God. See 1John 4:12

“No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.”

The idea of being perfected means to grow up into maturity. So in the end it is love that holds a marriage together it’s just not their love for one another but their love for God and their willingness to work out the troubles. See I John 2:19

“They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us.”

I am not saying that everyone that walks out on a marriage does not know the Lord but that they are bitter at Him. Marriages are repairable until one makes another vow. One’s relationship with God is repairable until death; Hebrews 9:27

“And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment:”

Marriage is not a war where you look for a more powerful weapon than your enemy. Fight fair.

  1. Do not bring up past resolved issues, stay focused.
  2. Being the leader men does not make you superior. Jesus stepped down and was exalted.
  3. Being the weaker vessel ladies does not mean inferior. Gold is weaker than steel.
  4. The winner is the one that forgives because that is when you are most Christ like.

The hardest person to forgive is you. Just remember if the blood of Christ is sufficient for God it is surely sufficient for you and me.

This is not the final word on marriage. I am hoping for some feed back.

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